Weekendness and Emotionalness

I think every Sunday post starts this way, but that’s because I’m predictable and obsessed with Body Pump. I had some pancakes for B-Fast before heading to Body Pump. It was a great class because my old Pilates instructor was the instructor. I say old, because now that I have a big girl job I can no longer go to her 10am Tuesday class, in which I used to be a regular and as Todd would say, the teachers pet. (PS reading that linked post makes me both happy and sad.)

I was going to stay for Yoga afterwards, like I did a few weeks ago, and I did go to the class, but again I left early. It was toooo yoga for me. We were looking out of a tiny window at the rainy sky and breathing. I get it. I’m sure it’s important, but I’d rather sit at home and stare outside with Riley. Just sayin. I DID however, go home and do an online Yoga for Hips. I REALLY enjoyed it, but Riley just wanted to play!

Riley Yoga

The weather was super crappy on Saturday and my mood certainly matched. I had a cry sesh with Todd (well, Todd didn’t cry, haha) about all the babyness. I’ve read so many blogs about people who stop running, gain weight and boom get pregnant. Nope. Not me. About people who have to gain weight and they just love their new body and “don’t mind the extra at all!” It makes them feel more womanly. NOPE! Either they’re complete liars or they are much stronger than me.

fun images, funny, monkey, meme

Let me tell you guys, it hasn’t gotten any easier. I still get upset about how unfair this all is. I still feel uncomfortable with the weight gain. I know I’m not fat, but I just don’t like the way I look. I gained 15 lbs of FAT, not muscle. There’s a huge difference. The pic below is NOT ME, but is a perfect example of weight gain I’d be fine with vs the weight I’ve actually gained.

I’m not saying all this for sympathy or to get compliments that I look fine- Todd, my family and friends have that covered πŸ˜‰ I’m just saying writing it so that if anyone else is going through a similar infertility issue, they can read the truth and know they aren’t alone- as stupid as it sounds. Sometimes it just feels good to complain to people who understand. Do I feel crappy all the time- no. It’s not even most of the time, but I’d be lying if I said it gets easier.

If you’re still reading… THANKS FOR LISTENING! Sorry for all the complaining and emotionalness of this post. I guess the closer we get to the injections and actual process, the more the time actually seems to be slowing down and I just think about it more. Moving. On…

On Sunday, I ran few miles on the trailΒ to test out the Achilles/heel. Instead of my usual Asics 2000’s, I wore my Mizuno Wave Riders. The heel cup is different and it felt fine. I didn’t want to push it and do anything long, so hopefully this little run didn’t set me back. I made sure to ice it after.

Heel Icing

Don’t laugh at my set up! I used junk mail coupons to keep the “sweat” from the peas off of the chair. Classy.

The rest of the day consisted of food prep for the week, household chores and dinner at my parents, per usual. Grilled chicken salad for the win.

Grilled Chicken Salad

What “ness” sums up your weekend?

This article has 19 comments

  1. Oh Heather, I’m so sorry you are going through this. It took me a long time to get pregnant with my second so I know how frustrating it must be. Keep your chin up friend. xoxo

    • Thank you so much Sue. It’s nice to that others can related and it helps to know you eventually had your second πŸ™‚ Chin is up!

  2. I can’t even imagine having to gain the weight and not having it pay off. Gaining even 5 lbs is tough. That baby is taking its sweet time, COMMMOONN BABY! Glad the other shoes didn’t hurt your heel!

    • Thanks B! I know I should stop complaining, but every once in a while it just feels good to be honest and let it out! Thanks for reading πŸ™‚

  3. I feel the same way about body weight. While I don’t weigh myself anymore (It’s just a number, right?!) I feel sluggy and unhappy when I gain fat. Some people are ok with it, but I’m not – and that’s totally ok! πŸ™‚ I dooo have a question for you though! For meal prep (I want to get more into this) do you actually make all the food and freeze/refrigerate it) or do you just get all the ingredients ready to go?

    • I totally agree with the scale being just a number. At this point a few lbs isn’t a big deal, it’s just how I feel overall, like you said, sluggish!
      To answer your question… I do a little of both. For things that cook quickly, like most veggies, I’ll cut them and store them so they are ready to cook. Things like sweet potatoes, lentils, rice, I’ll make a big batch of them and keep them in the fridge for easy reheating. I don’t really freeze anything, but perhaps I should start! For meat, it depends. If I know I’ll be short on time that week, I’ll cook it up on Sunday, but if I think I’ll have time, I’ll just make sure my chicken/beef/fish is ready to cook, as I prefer is cooked fresh. Hope this helps! If you have any more questions feel free to email me πŸ™‚

  4. Hang in there Heather!!! And I’m not judging your setup. I’ve got an old trusty Aquafina ice bottle in my fridge that I use when my PF flares up ha!

  5. Heather, I must give you a hug. That’s it, I’m driving all the way to your house. Well, okay, I guess I can’t, sooo {{Big hugs}} I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I am struggling with a similar feeling, so I know nothing I say will make it better, but just know, that you’re one strong lady. You are so strong. You are so confident. You are so amazing. I understand what you’re saying 100%. I also think it’s great that you walk out of yoga when you’re not feeling it. Go you!! XOXO

    • Thank you so much Kristin! Your post the other day really helped πŸ™‚ I hope you stay strong too and that we remember all the good things we have to be grateful for! WE are strong! Happy Tuesday Pretty Lady XOXO

  6. I’m so sorry you are going through this, Heather. Infertility sucks – as does the weight gain that often has to go along with it. I struggled to get pregnant with my first. Had to gain weight through the process (plus some of the medicine also made me gain) and I really struggled with feeling like I was losing my “athlete” identity. I definitely did not “love” my new look – even though I’m sure it was barely noticeable to others who didn’t know me. Unable to really race or train hard (due to the whole “trying to get pregnant” thing), I was stuck in no-mans land. No upcoming marathon, no hard training, and still month after month of no baby. I understand how frustrated you must be and how much that “squishy” feeling stinks. BUT you WILL come through on the other side and it will have been worth it. Hang in there. You are still an athlete. You are still a runner. It will be ok. I’m pulling for you!

    • You hit the nail on the head! I totally feel like I’m losing my “athlete” identity. And yes, to most people, I look no different, that’s why I hate to complain, but I’m glad you can relate- it sucks! haha. Your comment pretty much summed up my past year in a paragraph, I love it! Thank you so much for your kind words. Reading through your posts keeps me positive that speed can come back post baby! You are mighty fast girl!

  7. Hi girl! So…I’ve never commented on your blog. I just discovered it a few months ago…but I couldn’t possibly not reply to this post.

    I understand. Hear that? I do. I agree. Hear that also? I do!!!’

    I gained sooo much weight to have babies. I was not happy with it during the gaining process. Not at all. I didn’t like how it felt or looked. But I did it. I wanted a baby that bad. I had a bad bad ed for sooo many years…10 I think. I’m 5 feet 1 inch tall..low weight 64 pds. Bad. Gained to 92ish inpatient..then continued to gain for a year after that to work on getting my period back. All in all…gained to 118ish,..,that’s about double my start weight! It. Was. Hard!
    But, get this…I got pregnant with twins. Had the easiest (no sickness, no backpain, carried full term, breastfed BOTH babies to 13 and 18 ,months) pregnancy ever. They’re now almost 2 and a half…and guess what…I’m pregnant again! 16 weeks. And,get this….I started this pregnancy heavier (yea, you heard that) than she. I started that pregnancy…and although I don’t love the appearance of all,aspects of my body (ahem post pardom twin belly) I just don’t care like I used to cause I love myself, my babies, and my current life role sooo much that my body just doesn’t matter. I feel good, my body feels good and healthy and that’s it.

    So, after all that blabbing (sorry), long story short. I hear you. I agree. It’s hard. Sooo hard. But please keep doing it. It is sooo worth it. I have to be totally honest….you still totally thin..many have to gain more to get that pregnancy…also, you’re comparing to other healthy,living bloggers…not the subset of population you want to be comparing to right now,or,looking to for a frame of reference.

    I’m sooo hopeful for you. Any questions, please ask. I seriously am an expert at the whole gaining /fertility / getting pregnant thing after what I’ve been thru! I’m sooo cheering and praying for you.

    Xxoo Lindsay.

    • WOW. Thank you so much for sharing your story! Congrats on your twins and new baby πŸ™‚ Sounds like you had a rough road to have them but that it certainly pad off with such an “easy” pregnancy. Thank you for saying it’s hard and that at times, the weight gain does such. While I like my food sugar coated, not everything else needs to be πŸ˜‰ And you’re SO right. I was just telling my sis the other day that I keep comparing myself (in some capacity) to other bloggers and I just can’t do that. I even contemplated not reading several of them for a while. Thank you again for sharing your story and support πŸ™‚ Here’s hoping your current pregnancy and my future one are both easy going!!!

  8. Also, certain foods help restores hormones and all that….are you far liar with them? And I doubt you’ll wanna hear this…but so me of us are soooo sensitive to exercise we need to cut out all exercise (I.e zero running or cardio) to get that bfp. Not everyone. But for a lot it’s the magic puzzle piece. Sucks, but it’s sooo short term. You have your entire life to work out after that baby (or babies). I didn’t work out at all before, but now I do all the time. I just decided to go all in so I wasn’t,prolonging the process…..

    I wanted to get pregnant now…not 8 months down the road. Big, drastic changes restore fertility a whole lot quicker than small, slow, moderate changes. That’s a fact.

    • Shoot me an e-mail with the foods, if you don’t mind πŸ™‚ I hear ya with the exercise. I took 3 months completely off of ALL exercise, even pilates, haha. and then eased back into it with a few shorter runs. My doc said that I was prob “hurting” my body more by stressing about not running than putting in a few miles a week. As the time passed (and my hubby started traveling) I increased my mileage a bit. I know I’m running more now than I “should” be but I’ll have an explanation for that in an upcoming post. Thanks again for reaching out.

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